Californ-I-A

Californ
I
A
Where the city never sleeps
Californ
I
A

Rising
Falling
Shooting stars
Rising
Falling
Shooting stars

Cali, Cali
Cali, Cali

Californ
I
A
Where plastic makes you beautiful
Californ
I
A

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Covering every mile
Every inch
Trying to get you
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Their lies

Cali, Cali
Cali, Cali

Californ
I
A
Where there's no such thing as privacy
Californ
I
A

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They pry
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To get the latest scoop
The newest story

Cali, Cali
Cali, Cali

Californ
I
A
Where dreamers keep dreaming
Californ
I
A

Strange Feeling

I feel betrayed
I know I shouldn't
There's really no reason
But I can't help it
I do
There's no knife in my back
No blood on the floor
Yet I feel pain
They did nothing wrong
I did nothing wrong
But the fact is
They're there
And I'm here
Something's wrong
I feel betrayed

NEVER

Her words are
Daggers to my heart
A thousand wounds
A thousand scars
She buried my passion
And set in stone

Never was
(Never was)
Never will
(Never will)
Never was
(Never was)
Never will
(Never will)
Never will
(Never will)

(Keep dreaming)
I'll keep dreaming
I'll keep dreaming
(Dream on)
I'll dream on
And on
And on
And on

Empty kisses
Never felt so good
Dreams
Never felt so real

Never was
Never will
Never was
Never will
Never will
Never will

Swallowing Pride

Choking on words unspoken
I find it hard to breathe
No one said
This was going to be easy
The words get caught in my throat
"I'm s----
Sor---"

High Expectations Fall to the Floor; It's Called Gravity

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?
I'm sick and tired of this
Why set your expectations do damn high?
I'll never reach them
I'll never be good enough for you
Did anyone ever tell you
That perfection doesn't exist?
Yet you want ONLY perfection
So why don't I
Just lay here and die?
I bet you wouldn't care
Not that you ever did
I just don't give a shit anymore
You can scream at the top of your lungs
You could scream until my ears bleed
But I don't care anymore
You're hopeless
I'm hopeless
You swear you'll rip out my throat
Well here it is
Take it out
I dare you
I never wanted this
I'm NOT you
Don't live your dreams through me
I guarantee they'll die
They're not mine
Why don't you try living out your own dreams?
Don't give me excuses
You never gave me any
I'm not a fucking animal
You have no right to work me to death
I have needs
I need to breathe
You say I'm ungrateful
For all the things you've given me
And what exactly is that?
Nothing but a hard time
I don't need this shit
The world is already fucked up enough as it is
The last thing I need
Is someone else to call me a failure
To say my youth is wasted
To say my talents are being wasted
To say I HAD potential
Well, FUCK YOU!
Maybe you're just expecting too much
I'm only human
Of course I'm going to fall short
But I don't need you to scream it in my face
Maybe you've been wishing
For that one person
To do everything
Well keep on wishing
Because that person is not me

In Perspective

I am but a speck in the dirt
One of six billion hearts
Another dreamer dreaming
One more hoping for the world to change

Looking for Love

Am I but a hopeless romantic?
Searching for love
In all the wrong places
Finding nothing
In this sea of faces
My heart knows what it wants
But not where to start

Breaking Habit

Loneliness go away
I don't want you here
Killing me
Killing me
Killing me
Take your
Damn razor blade
And leave

I don't need you
Let alone regret
Haunting my every step
Stealing my every breath
For once I want a normal heartbeat

Unlocking doors
And breaking down walls
I'll venture out
See the world for myself
No longer a victim

No longer addicted
To your razor blade
Loneliness
This life is mine
Even with scars for memories
Tomorrow is mine
For the taking

Dancing Leaves

Leaves dancing
Wind whispering
But I'm holding on
To each breath
Like it's my last
Worrying about
The next heartbeat
Lost in every
Single tiny thought
Occupied with wounds
That bleed ink
Onto paper
Leaves dance in the wind
Without a care in the world
What I would give for paradise...

Wishing

I wish I knew the right words to say
To make you feel better
Piece your heart together
I wish I could do something
Anything really
To bring a smile to your face
I wish I was there
To hold you in the frost of night
When you're all alone
I miss you...

Passer-by

Tires squeal
Brakes fail
The wheel turns

Cars collide
Metal bends
Oil spills
Fires burn

Screams let out
Echo in the streets
Cries for help
Unanswered

"Someone save him,"
They cry out
"Save his life"

Send us a hero
Send us a hero

Just walking
Passing by
Minding his own business

He hears their cries
And answers them
Runs toward the blaze

Pulls out a body
One down, one to go
Either car could explode

The sirens are coming
The sirens are coming
Just down the street

He pulls the other driver out
He can see the lights now
Just a few feet away

But fire rises
Flames fall
He drops to the floor

Shame he didn't see
The two lives he saved
Shame they were never told
Shame they'll never know
He was just passing by...

Grudge to Glare

Forgive and forget
They say
Forgive and forget
Tell that to these wounds
Can you put my blood back in me?
Can you piece together a broken heart
And make it what it once was
Like nothing happened
Almost perfect?
Nightmares burned into memories
I can't erase them
I try
And try
And try
But I can't escape my past
I can't escape myself
Demons scream in my ears
Thoughts run wild in my head
It's harder than it looks
To restrain the strongest of urges
It's hard to think clear
When all you see is flames
I could almost cry
But the tears evaporate
I swear
You look better dead
Maybe then I could stand
The sight of you
But since there are witnesses
My eyes glare
Back off
Or die
They cower
Buckle at the knees
They run away
And you follow them
You better run
I don't know what I would do
What I could do
If you dared to stay
And to think
I'm holding back my heart
There's still more
Where that came from...

Out There

He is
Still breathing
Still breathing
Heart is
Still beating
Still beating
One,
Two,
Three.

Bombs fall
Mines burst
Dirt
Dirt
Everywhere
Bodies fall
Screams echo
Gunfire
Take cover

He is
Still breathing
Still breathing
The heart is
Still beating
Still beating
One,
Two,
Three.

He ducks in the trenches
Holds on to his gun
For dear life
What a mess...
There's yelling
For order
In the chaos
But all he can think about
Is her
And home
Bring him home
Soon...

He is
Still breathing
Still breathing
The heart is
Still beating
Still beating

Don't worry
He wrote
I'll be fine
Everything's going to be alright
He wrote in ink
Have that smile
Ready for me
When I come home
Soon
I promise you
He sent that letter
She cherishes that letter
He worries about her
She worries about him

He is
Still breathing
Still breathing
The heart is
Still beating
Still beating

How long
Can this go on?
Bring him home already
She's waiting...

At Its Best

We are the manic
The train wreck
The static
We are tragedy
At its best

Depressed
Oppressed
Dispossessed
Tragedy at best

The disturbed
Caged bird
Unheard
Tragedy
Come follow me

We are shy
Sly
Someone please define
This white line
To hurt
Or hurt?

We scream
We bleed
We need
Something
Looking
For something
For we are tragedy
At its best

Man on the Street

I can't say I know him
I've seen him
Rags for clothes
Cardboard sign
"WILL WORK FOR B33R"
Dirt on his face
Underneath his fingernails
I can't say I'd trust him
But I'd listen to his story
Born to a well-to-do-family
Wealthy actually
Mother and father caring
Supportive
Again wealthy
Back when there was physical discipline in school
He didn't understand
A lot
He failed
A lot
But who would have known
Back then before modern science
That he read words backwards
That voices plagued his every thought
Nobody knew his pain
Nobody knew his fears
Nobody knew...
He'd hate to be called crazy
He wanted to meet expectations
But the voices got louder still
He resorted to drugs
Cocaine
Speed
Marijuana
Beer
Anything to silence the voices
Anything to feel numb
Finding comfort in waking up lost
Here he stands today
Begging for beer
To numb his pain
Exorcise the demon

Tragedy of the Arsonist

Sadistic smile
Matchbox in hand
Light memories on fire
Ashes again

Burn it away
Burn it away

Burn it away
Burn it away
Everything

Sheltered in
A black-hooded sweatshirt
Comfort in
The blaze
His mind fueled
By embers of Hatred

Burn it away
Burn it away

Burn it away
Burn it away
Everything

Ironic that he would die
By his own hand
The blaze grew so fast
He took joy in the fire
He burned away
Revelled in flames

Burned away
Consumed by flames
Everything
By the blaze
His heart
To ashes

The sky
Lamented
His sorrow
Ashes
Sirens flash
Red trucks
Men in yellow suits
Water
And more water

She stands alone
No one will move her
She's not listening
Mirrors for eyes
The blaze
His heart

Say goodbye
Her love in life
Twisted by
Haunting memories

Burned away
Everything
To ashes
The blaze dies
Down

Trying to Make Sense of My Madness

Maybe it's because
I was born second
Out of three
Only son
Older sister
She gets responsibility
Privileges
First choice
Younger sister
She gets everything
Not too far
From spoiled
Hand-me-downs go to my sister
Everything new goes to my sister
What does that leave me?
I have to work for mine
I have to bleed for mine

Maybe it's because
I belong to clashing cultures
Miles apart
Different traditions
Languages I can't seem to comprehend
Add AMERICA to that
And now I have minorities

Maybe it's because my father
Was gone half the time
Miles away from me
Don't get me wrong
I loved him but...
It's too frustrating to say
Too...complicated...
But I can try
When you score
The winning point for your team
And you look to the stands
Only to remember no one's there
You lose enthusiasm
The moment goes missing
Seemed like my mother
Could have cared less
I could die...and...well...
I'd rather not think about it
She meant good
I think...
I hope...

Maybe it's because
I dream of flying
But wake up falling
I long for the night
Early morning even
But everyone loves the day
I know silence
They only know noise

I know I'm judged
Not by just one
But everyone
Shallow hearts
Can say the sharpest words
I know she's gone
But I can't help but hold on
To what's lost
Pathetic...I know...
But it's almost comforting
My heart aches for that someone
But I can't find her
I've lost my map
And this compass is broken
I have schizophrenic tendencies
But nobody's perfect
No such thing as "normal"
But they swear on their lives they are...

I've been fed lies
And denied truths
I have to find it for myself
They refuse to help

I'm trying to make sense of my madness
But I find myself running in circles
Chasing my own footsteps
Drowning in regret

Sorry to say
But I'm alone
No one to hold...
Talking to blank walls
Listening to my echoes
Spilling ink on paper
Writing words few dare to

I think myself mad
Pitying myself
But I can't help it
I feel so weak
I had hoped to hold hopes up high
To stand strong
To hold on
But...
This battle's hard
To fight alone

Everyone wants to change the world
To change a life for the better
And maybe they do
Someday
All I wanted
Was to make someone think
Maybe I did
I hope I did

I tire
And this is unfinished
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe never

R E D

Scarlet petals
Light my way
Guide my footsteps
My heart burns
Again
Rise from the ashes
Hope relives
Draws a new breathe
My mind wanders
Possibilities
What could happen
Tonight?

Valentine
Valentine

Does this mean what I'm thinking?

Valentine
Valentine

Pen on paper
This letter's confusing
Ink bleeds through
Red on both sides
Is one night
All it takes
To forgive
To forget
And start again?
What do you REALLY want from me?

Valentine
Valentine

What are you thinking?

Valentine
Valentine
Valentine...

Something for Nothing

So let me hear you
SSSCCCRRREEEAAAMMM
Hear it
echo echo echo echo
In this forsaken valley
Look to the sky
Stare at the sun
And have your vision
DiStOrTeD
Look in the river
noitcelfer ruoy ees oT

Buried

Am I dead to the world?
Buried in my own thoughts
Voice silenced
By time missing

Am I dead to myself?
Dreams never lived
Hopes never founded
Nothing real

Loneliness is crippling
Poison to my veins
Buried beneath...

Therapy

You want
To enter my mind?

Winding staircases
Leading to nowhere
Shelves and shelves
Of books filled with nothing
But empty pages
Twisting corridors
That lead you around
In circles until
You're lost with no way out
Too many doors to count
Locks without keys
Keys without locks
And in the midst of this
A storm is brewing
With ominous clouds
Fierce winds
Deafening thunder
And blinding lightning
Accompanied by unrelenting sorrow
In rain
Yet a small child runs about
Without a care in the world
Singing a song only he knows
Dancing a dance only he knows

Can you make sense of me?

...

Can I make sense of me?

Dark Wish

Lay me to rest
I'm tired and I want it
Wishing for Death
To come and give me rest
Sleeping forever
Dreaming of her
What if
What if
What if
What if
Damn it all
I'm tired
And I need my sleep
Lest bloodshot eyes
Plague me
Give me rest
Lay me down
Death give me sleep...

Another Year

It's a new year
But the same world
I don't see change
Only the same damn thing
People are still cold
Hearts still ache
Pain, well, that never goes away
Another year of memories
Another year of regrets
Another year of what ifs
Is there really any difference?
But they swear
To make a resolution
To change
I give them one week
Before they break it
Force of habit