Cotradictory

I wish it was that easy
I wish it was that simple
To lay out everything in front of me
Reveal every hard-kept secret
Tell the truth about every lie I've told
Lift this burden from my shoulders
But pride is a hard enemy to defeat
Guilt is friend I don't want
Shame is someone I don't want to meet again
All is exposed in the light...
Is that why I hide in darkness?

I Sorry

I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I'm only human

I make mistakes
I have regrets
I have memories I wish
I could forget
I bleed
I hurt
I feed
I thirst

I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted
I'm sorry I'm not what you thought
I'm sorry I'm not like you
I'm sorry I can't be like you

I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry I'm only human

Fire

Will we die by fire?
Burning away
Burning our time,
Our life away
Do we feed the embers
And fan the flames?
As we watch the smoke rise
And suffocate
We try to save ourselves
But it's too late
Watch us burn down
To ashes
And be swept away
By wind,
By rain

Relating to Myself

I think that I relate better with my shadow
Than my reflection in the mirror
Because the shadow retains anonymity
Yet giving shape to a human
I feel the mirror betrays me
I don't see myself as myself
I see me in a different way
Through different eyes
But few could ever understand that
Time may change my appearance
And that is the curse of seeing
My reflection in the mirror
But my shadow will stay the same
Retain its form, anonymity
Because the soul is eternal
And never fades
But the mirror breaks

Words Drifting In My Mind...

Why can't I stay
In paradise?
I keep falling
And have fallen
From grace

Why is it I always try
Yet never win?

These words will only last
As long as paper

A Story

The setting is five years 'till now
And the main character
Is her
Dynamic,
I hope,
Not static
But the plot is always the same
Her heart gets broken
Over and over again
And she cries
To deal with the pain
And it's tearing me up inside
I want to see her smile
I'd love to hear her laugh
To shed tears of joy
And forget her sadness
If only for an instant
But the story ends here
Because
I'm so far away
Despite close distance
In her mind I fade
And now she won't listen
To me
Don't you hate it
When your desire
Eludes your grasp?

To Her (It's Not Your Fault)

You told me to leave
Let me pack my things
And I'll go
But not before I write
These words for her
Not before I write
This letter

I'm sorry, but I have to leave
I hope over time,
You'll come to forgive me
Don't worry, it's not your fault
Please don't blame yourself
For me being gone

I walk out the door
And you hurry me
You can't wait to see me leave
I swallow my pride
And say goodbye
You don't care
But it was intended for her
To help her remember

I want her to know
I'll miss those times
When we were happy
And laughter was contagious
You hate me now
But I still love you
And I miss her
I miss her

I'm sorry, but I have to leave
I hope over time,
You'll come to forgive me
Don't worry, it's not your fault
Please don't blame yourself
For me being gone

Goodbye

I guess these words can't reach you
I don't know how far you are
I can't judge the distance
Between you and me
Between you and me
I would run
Around and around and around
In circles again
I'd do anything
Anything for you

But you walk away
Turn and walk away
One foot in front of the other
Put one foot in front of the other
Keep looking straight
Don't look back on the past
I'll fade

How many years has it been
Since you took my heart
And choked it to death?
Burned out my passion
And scattered the ashes?

Yet you stand before me today
My heart lays in bandages
I can't breathe
I can't speak
What words can I say
To make you understand me?
What words can I possibly say
To make you believe?
To make you feel my pain?
Here's a thought:
Goodbye

How Human

How do you do it?
How do you act so
Human?
It's hard to imitate
You, your movements
How do I be human?
How can I be like you
And enjoy life too
I try and try and try again
But nothing ever happens
Maybe I'm doing it wrong
How do I be human?

Death

My sense of humor died today
I can't laugh
I can't smile
There's nothing funny
I hate people
No warmth in my heart
Frozen solid
Despair
Madness
Where is the humor in life?
We struggle
Fight to stay alive
My sense of humor died today
And I buried it

Half An Hour

I remember
You told me once
How you used to spend your nights
Staying up all night
Studying for the final
Well I stared out my window
Thoughts of you running through my mind
I failed the test
I failed that test

So let's spend
Half an hour
Talking about
How
I'm a failure
To you and
To myself

I could never
Work up the courage
To ask you to dance with me
All night long
And I never got to
Asking you
Do you love me too
Because I know I love you

So let's spend
Half an hour
Talking about
How
I'm a failure
To you and
To myself

Why can't I
Ever find her

Pale Blue

These walls
Of vengeance come
Crashing down
Crushing all
Search the rubble
For the conscience
I left behind
To fend for itself

Pale blue
Seeps through
Drips into my veins
Wake up
It's all just a dream

The light
Is blinding to
My eyes
And the darkness
Distorts me
So where
Do I draw
The line
Between right and wrong

Pale blue
Seeps through
Drips into my veins
Wake up
It's all just a dream
Pale blue
Seeps through
Drips into my veins
Wake up
It's all a fucking dream

Problem

I thought I was past this
Thought I had moved on
But my heart won't listen
To rational thought

Sometimes desire
Doesn't go hand in hand
With reality

Life is so frustrating

Useless Name

Forget the name
It'll never amount to anything
It'll always be worthless
It won't take you anywhere
It won't make the people stare
So forget this name
Because you're better off on your own
All alone in this world
And making a new name

But I'll take this name
For all it's worth
Even if that's less than dirt
I'll make it famous
Heads will turn when they hear it
And then I'll come back with the news
And give it back to you

Short and Simple

We all seek comfort
Some will stop at nothing to get it
Some will never find it
Others find their glass of comfort
Half empty, half full
To love
Be loved
Belong
To rule
To be free
Satisfied
To save
What is my comfort?
What is your comfort?

Selfish

We step on others
To reach the top
Of the mountain
Called achievement
Who cares if
They suffer?
Who cares for
Their comfort?
Being number one
Is all that matters
We stop at nothing
To get what we want
We snatch it
With both hands
To ensure possession
"Why do I need others?
I have me."
It's in all of our minds
But it's up to us
The person
To choose to listen
To our selfishness
Or not

Deaf Ear

The words we don't want to hear
We turn a deaf ear to
You're selfish,
Conceited,
A liar,
You don't belong,
You're wrong


We stifle the voices
And seek after silence
We yell at the top of our lungs
Just to hear ourselves


When the blame is on us
We pass it on to another
And accuse them
Of what we've done
Let them suffer
The consequences