It's Not That I'm Not Grateful...

It's just that sometimes I wonder...

Father
Let me be selfish for a bit
Tell me
Why do you try so hard?
Why do you care
About what I do
Or who I'm with?
I haven't done anything for you!
Tell me
Tell me why
Is it some sort of pride?
Or do you feel responsibility?
Is it your duty?
Or a distorted sense of honor?
You're not forcing me to eat
You just leave the food on the table
I think my door keeps you out
Because you don't knock when I close it
You don't come in unannounced
You don't search and seize
You just talk to me
I hear you
But I'm not listening
But you just talk
What am I worth to you?
Don't say the world
Please
I don't deserve it
...
You know
Your kindness hurts sometimes

Whirlwind

My heart is a whirlwind
Of mistakes
Memories
Regrets
Dreams
Love
Loss
Fears
Joys
Nightmares
And what if's

They circle around
In the most vicious of winds
Sharp as thorns
Cutting my insides

I feel like I'm dying
From the anxiety of tomorrow
And what it brings
Because I'm forced to let go
Of yesterday's dreams
And face today's realities
Bracing for pain
That remains timeless

The whirlwind spins outward
And grows to envelop my body
The winds so thick they block my vision
Force so strong they distort the voices
I can't make out what they're saying anymore
They're just...noise
Someone's there
But who is it?
Are they for me?
Are they against me?
Do they even care?

It's not what can I be?
It's what will I be?
If I have the potential
Doesn't that frighten
Anyone else but me?
There's light within me
To compliment the darkness
Who's to say one won't
Overtake the other
Along with my heart?

But for now the winds are blowing
Stronger than ever
I sense change
But I'm not sure
If it's for the better
All I know is that the wind is blowing
Raging in my ears
There's noise in the background
All I see are figures
Distorted shadows
But all I really know for sure
Is that I'm stuck in the eye
Of a whirlwind
That has the potential to destroy
Or just disperse...

We're Mixed, Yet So Messed Up

All the colors are smeared
Across the faces of the people
We know no longer a "pure"
Yet we still try
With dark secrets beneath the surface
And filters in full effect
To limit them below our vision
Drive them below our aspirations
But we were raised with a bar to reach
A bar to exceed
To extend our reach far beyond anything
We imagined through the mysteries of our dreams
So why do we try to do what we've hated
For so many generations
Why do we work so hard to make ourselves shine
At the expense of the potential of our future?