Life Is A Gamble

How do I know she won't
Take my heart and
Tear it to pieces
And scatter the ashes
Of trust?
I don't

How do I know they will
Judge for who I am
And not what I am?
I don't

How do I know
What to do with my life?
How to support a family?
What to teach a life?
I don't

But I have the faintest idea
And I'm all in on it
I'll risk all I have for it
And cast the dice
And hope I'll land
A lucky number seven
Maybe
Or
Maybe not

I Am...Human

I am
complicated
conflicted
confused
observant
ordinary
thoughtful
turbulent
theoretical
critical
criticized
loving
lost
lacking
shameful
shameless
suffocated
surreal
understanding
underestimated
influenced
ignorant
resistant
reckless
But most of all
I am mortal,
Human

Dusk to Dawn

Morning
As the grass sheds
Its last tears of the night
And as the clouds continue
To head toward disaster
As the peaceful moon
Flees from the raging sun
And the stars hide in fear
Fade from sight

Evening
The stars creep back
To the sky for all to see
The moon finds peace
In losing the vengeful sun
The clouds conceal
Their movements
The grass weeps again
For losing its sun

Maybe

Maybe shyness is a blessing
And ignorance is bliss
Being different,
Unique,
And separated from the crowd
A talent perhaps
Standing on the other side
Of the looking glass
And looking in
The value of the darkness is
No one can see you
Anonymity
Is a relief
No one can judge you
By your appearance
Only by your words
Can they grasp
The essence
Of your person
To understand
The struggle to express oneself
In a world filled with ridicule
Call it cowardice
But it has its advantages

Male

Sex surrounds me
"I would" this
"I'd hit" that
I'm sick of it all
Why is my gender
So blind?
They can't see
The ripples in the water
Cause and Effect
"Fear nothing" they say
But what of the inevitable?
Can you really ignore
What is bound to happen?
"Be a man" they say
Define man for me
Is he a reckless,
Emotionless, overbearing,
Lustful, ignorant
Creature?
Does he define weakness
As emotion?
Sympathy?
Empathy?
Such a stereotype...

Nature

To be as fluid as water
To adapt to my confinement
To be as anonymous as the wind
To be heard and felt
And never be seen
To be as aggressive as fire
To consume all impeding my path
To further myself
And turn all else to ash
To be as stubborn as a rock
To be resistent, fearless
To be as quick as lightning
Senn only for an instant
Yet leave my mark
In memories, nightmares,
Fears, and on trees
To be as persistent as a weed
Always reaching towards the sky
Towards tomorrow
A new day
The future
Yet always having someone
Trying to kill me

Possessed

In this tangled web of lies
I find myself
Binded with
False hopes and
Impossible dreams
My vision
Has been filtered
By your beliefs
Not mine
I only see what you see
I find myself
Struggling
To be who I want to be
To see what I want to see
And no longer
Be a shadow
Of you

Hollywood

The city was built on death
The dead are living
And the living are dead
Real strive to be fake
And the fake pretend to be real

Life In Dreaming

If we could all
Live in our dreams
Our fantasies
Would we all
Be happy?
Could the world
Be perfect?
And mistakes
Erased?
Shattered lives
Pieced together
And suffering
Hearts mended?
Could we find
Peace in the
Midst of
Happiness?
Or would our
Dreams become
Distorted and
Warped into
Nightmares
With terrors
Unknown to
The reality
Of the world?
Could we really
Face our fears
And be the hero
Everyone wants
To be?
In our dreams...

What Next?

He wonders
Does she love him
As much as he loves her
The suspension
Awaiting her phone call
Is killing him
The phone rings
And he picks it up
Catches his breath
And says "Hello"
All he hears is
"I don't love you"
Her words echo in his ears
"I don't love you"
"I don't love you"

It's a mixture of pain,
Anger, and sadness
He's torn apart
Try to pick up the pieces
Of a broken heart
Where does he go from here?

He's heard all he needs to hear
So he hangs up
Throws the phone down
And collapses on the floor
All the time he spent with her
She didn't care
All the things he did for her
She didn't care
He gave her kisses
And she gave him a dagger
Straight through the heart

It's a mixture of pain,
Anger, and sadness
He's torn apart
Try to pick up the pieces
Of a broken heart
Where does he go from here?

Scapegoat

Can you accept your flaws,
Problems, and
Shortcomings?
Or do you blame another
For everything wrong?
Do you deflect
The consequences
Of your actions
And pass pain
On to the innocent?
You sacrifice a scapegoat
To appease your suffering

We all have problems,
Troubles, flaws
But we each have to
Stand up and bear
Our mistakes,
Our shortcoming
To retain clear conscience

Celebrity

She's spoiled rotten
To the core
She reeks
Of selfishness
Flaunts her millions
To the world
And provokes
Jealousy, envy
In the hearts
Of her enemies
But her money
Taunts the hungry
Those who don't
Have enough to eat
Who suffer from
Starvation
Of the stomach-food
Of the heart-love

Infatuation

What can I say?
I'm speechless
When she talks to me
I'm short of breath
My lungs fail
Soon I'm suffocating
My knees give out
I'm falling for her
I can see the ground
Fast approaching
And she's just
Watching me
With those eyes
Deep as the sea
And I get lost in them
Then drown
Her smile is so bright
So radiant
Just like the sun
It's blinding
But my heart beats faster
When our hands touch
Soon it begins
Skipping beats
It flatlines
She's so beautiful
It's deadly

Yearbook

I turn this pages
And remember the faces
The people
My classmates
They've all gone their separate ways
But there's still pieces of them in me
Years we've spent together
It's only natural
But still...

Even though we went through
The same challenges every year
I still hate him
I can't even remember the reason
Call it foolishness
Or pride
But I can't stand him
And I get the feeling
He can't stand me

She was the first to steal my heart
And one of the first I heard
To get hers broken
I always hear of her and another guy
Every month
She can't seem to find happiness
How tiny are the pieces
Of a heart thats been trampled on
So many times?

My friends may be few
But we'll be together for life
Even if fate takes us different places
They're here in my heart
How could I ever forget them?

Every year
Our life changes

Home Movies

It's almost funny
I watch these recorded images
My childhood
But I don't remember a thing
Who is she?
And him?
Are they related to me?
Is that really me
Or a distortion?
Those years
Escape the grasp
Of my mind
A receding memory
The days of old fade
With each new day
Why can't I remember?

If Only

If only my heart wasn't tainted
And this blade wasn't dull
If only my mind was clear
And temptation stopped its attacks

If only I could breathe
And words didn't sound so empty
If only sleep didn't elude me
And I wasn't blind

If only my body stopped bleeding
And I stopped falling
If only this pain stopped hurting
And my spirit stayed in one piece

If only...

Failed Effort

I am at a loss for words
Can I really describe the turmoil inside?
I will try

Love is impossible
I've lost all hope
I've tried too hard
Too many times
I remember their faces
But they all walked away
Out of range
Of my mind's eye sight

As I look back now
I can see that they were not for me
But that doesn't ease the turmoil
The longing for comfort
For love
But it's impossible
I want to try
But there isn't anything for me here
There is no one for me here
Patience is a virtue
That's so hard to maintain

Paranoid

Her body's tense
As she struggles to walk
Like any other person
To divert attention
From herself
Her hands clutch
Her elbows
And her head is down
With eyes closed
To shut out
The images

For when they're open
Her eyes
And she looks
She sees the dead
Hovering
Above the ground
Her ears
Can hear
The sound
Of the dead
Walking on thin air

She can't help
But let out
The shrillest scream
You've ever heard
The dead are among us
Watching our every step
Longing for every moment
They missed

Move to Your Own Rhythm

When others put you down
They do it to stand up
Don't listen to them

Go by what you feel
And what you think
And what you believe

Others will try
To lead you astray
And lose yourself
Trying to fit in
With the crowd
Stay true to yourself
Live on the inside
Along with the outside
As they die on the inside
Rejecting it, their inner self,
While trying too hard
Living on the outside

Move to your own rhythm
Create your own beat
Let your music lead you
Let it inspire
Share it with all

Follow your heart
It can't lie to you
Spread your wings
And soar through the sky

Not to be Taken for Granted

He played football
His freshmen year
From the pain and the struggle
He received a knee injury
Never went to the hospital
To get it checked
But two years later
At the end of junior year
During finals
That pain in his knee
Came back to haunt him
It pestered him
Everywhere he went
And after finally going
To the doctor
And getting it checked
It was a tumor
He had cancer

They inject poison
Into his body
To kill the disease
But its killing him
Vomitting repeatedly
Not eating for days
Finding comfort
Only in sleep
He's apart from the rest of us
As a senior
He goes through
What most hope not to
All from his ignorance
Thinking he can take it

Mercy grant him strength
In his struggles

Life takes many turns
Many choices are laid out
In front of us
But it takes only one thing
To change our lives
For the worst
For the better
Health is a blessing
Not a given
Life is precious
Cherish it

Written on the Walls

These walls are covered
In the scarlet red ink
Of blood
Written in cursed cursive
And why am I compelled
To read
These ominous words
Foretelling death?

They say
Curiousity killed the cat
But it consumes us humans
We pry in others' business
Wanting to know
Needing to know
What happened
When we don't belong there
Why do we insist
On reading
The words on these walls

The media portrays
Only the negative side
Of things
They devote an hour
Or ten pages
Of a death
Caused by gang violence
When only five minutes
Or two paragraphs
Mention that a life
Was saved today
We are attracted to negativity
We crave despair
The writing on the walls

One Question

Is comfort so far
So out of reach
That we can only see
But never have?

Parenthesis

In the land
Where the light fades
And the shadows blend
And echoes whisper
In your ear
He stands
With an outstretched arm
Reaching for something
As he stares off in the distance
All the while
Drinking it in
With a wine glass in his
Other hand
But it shatters as he
Falls to the floor

They find his body
In the same place
Fallen on the floor
Hasn't moved an inch
But his arm's still reaching
His eyes are still staring

In the land with
Dying trees
And changing leaves
Where the air's so cold
You can't breathe
Lest you freeze
She stands
With her arms spread
And her eyes towards the sky
Wishing for frozen wings
Just so she can fly

They find her too
As still as a statue
And the clearest shade of blue
Frozen solid

Opinion

It surrounds us
Suffocates our minds
Everywhere you hear it
And see it
Some even believe
That they need to change
Their appearance and
Acquire the latest
Possessions
To fit in
Get attention
To be loved...

Since when has being a criminal
Become admirable?
Why spend ridiculous amounts
Of hard earned money
For a shirt
That serves the same purpose
As one that bears
No brand name

Why should I work
To belong
To the "in" crowd
And have false friends
With fake smiles
When I have true friends
People that accept me
For who I am
Not what I am

Medicine

The cure eludes me
Give me a medication
A prescription
For a broken heart
To pick up the pieces
Of a shattered image

...there isn't one...

If my heart stopped beating
Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much
I'd stop bleeding
If I stopped breathing
Then I'd have an excuse
For being speechless
If I were blind
Then maybe I could see

I've seeked comfort in the wrong place
Too many times before
My legs are broken
From falling for her
And my scars run deep

How long will it take to heal?

Independent

Those who walked beside me
Have taken different paths
I walk alone
Through the uncharted
Past the unknown
I follow
My heart, my desire
With these wings
I'll go higher
Fly farther

I walk my own path
Make my own destiny
I'll be who I want to be
I won't bow down
With the rest of the crowd
I'll be one in a thousand
Standing

Let them say what they say
I'll write what I think
And suffer the consequences
I'll write the truth
As I see it
But leave it for others
To discover
For themselves

Loss

It's because of her
That I cried
At night
Sometimes
It's because of her
That I
Almost gave up
My life
Because of her
My mind's
A mess
Because of her
I live
With regret
She was the one for me
But I wasn't the one for her

Resentment

I hate you
I can taste the sickness
As it creeps up my throat
At the sound of your name
With a clenching fist
I can bear a moment
Next to you
But the air around you
Is suffocating
And I see you in flames
I hate you

Authority

How does 1 control 40
If majority rules?
Why do the masses not revolt
Like in the times of old?
Are they satisfied
Content with life?
If so then why do they complain?
Why don't the 40
Overtake the 1?
Why do the 40
Fall into line
And obey?
It's only 1!
Last time I checked
40>1

The Book (Used)

Used only to get
What he wants
To know
To experience
Over time
The pages tear
And grow old
And he has what
He wants
So he puts it back
On the shelf
It collects dust
As its forgotten

The Pen (Slave)

It spills its blood
Its life
Onto the corpses of trees
It bends to its master's will
No choice
No freedom
And when its life has run
Its course
And it dies
Forgotten
No funeral
Only replacement...

Memory of an Angel

I saw you again last night
In my dream
And you were looking at me
With those angel eyes
And I smiled
Then we kissed
Oh, bliss

But you faded
And I woke up
I looked at your picture
Like I've done so many times
Longing for you

The truth is
You'll never know
Because it's a secret
That I regret
I never told you
How I feel
I never told you
Those three words
That you longed to hear
I wanted to tell you...

Catch the Falling

The light blinds her eyes
And burns her skin
As she falls deeper
Into the darkness
Where demons of
Her own design
Torture her every thought
The silence is deafening
She lets out a silent scream
There is no sound
Her voice has been stolen
By someone else
The sin, the tragedy
Is all she knows
Someone catch her
Before she hits the ground
Just reach out your hand
Catch her...
Save her...

Anonymous

To hide one's identity
Sacrifice glory
For shelter
To remain a mystery
With no answers
Only unclear clues
To become distant
From anyone
Detached
To be on the outside
Looking in
Because no one
Can see you

Heal

Time heals
Bleeding wounds
But...
There's always scars
No matter how small
The cut...

Time heals
Bleeding wounds
But...
There's always scars
No matter how small
The cut...

Time heals
Bleeding wounds
But...
There's always scars
No matter how small
The cut...

Silent Suffering

The worst pain, I think
Is one that is silent
No one can hear you scream
Not that they would care
One thinks...

She tells him all her heartbreaks
And he makes her laugh without fail
Cheers her up and helps her find
Herself when she's lost
But her heart keeps breaking
Because she fails to see
The love of her life
Is right in front of her
But he keeps quiet, silent
And dies inside
Little by little

The father keeps reminding his son
To never do it again
But the son turns away
And runs from him
The father knows the better
Because he's done it before
But the son doesn't believe it
And the father is forced to keep silent
And await the news of his son's death

He's always picked on
Always excluded
Never shown any mercy
And for what reason?
The answer eludes him
As he suffers in silence
Abandoned
Fuel to the fire

Literate Confusion

I'm lost within the pages of my own life
Traversing sentences
And scaling paragraphs
Searching for an escape
I've traveled chapter after chapter
Time never slows
But speeds up

These pages are old and new
Some are worn away
Others will never do
So many papercuts
Bleeding blood
I need a bandage

This text is written in
Pitch black ink of
Cursed cursive
So many memories
Remembered in simple words
Written on simpler paper

I can't find the last chapter
Of this storybook
The pages keep on turning
But I'm stuck on this chapter

Runaway

Take me away from this place
Take me away from this pain
Take me away, from these memories
That I never wanted to keep

I keep running and running
Away from my troubles
Running and running
For miles and miles
I've never known a place to call my home
My home
I've never known a place to call my own
My own
I've never seen a face that I know
I know
I've never seen a face to call my own
My own

Running away
Leave it today
Escape
Forget the pain,
All the memories
Why stay?

Haunting Memory

Everywhere he looks
He sees her face
Its not a smile
Or a laugh
But a scream

He's broken so many mirrors
Because he can't stand to look
At himself
At who he used to be
"That's not me," he says,
"People can change.
I can change."

Redemption
Eludes him
But he will never
Stop his quest
Never surrender
"For her sake.
As well as mine..."

Solemn

I stand here above your grave
And you're watching me
This pain
Saddens my life

Do you remember
Better times
When you were alive...

We used to stare at the moon
And wish for our desires
Now I stare at the night sky
And wish for you second chance at life

Come back to me...
Come back to me...

I remmber your smile
And the joy that filled your eyes
When I came back home
And you whispered
Softly in my ear
"I missed you"
Well,
I miss you
I miss you

I will never forget you...