Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Cage

So go ahead and
Lock me away
In a 3 by 3 foot cell
[Here]
Build me some 7 foot walls
Cast 'em in iron
(So) [I can't escape]

Pad the walls
Pad the floor
[Pad the roof]
(I don't want to)
[Die]

Give me a single window
[To watch out]
To see outside of this
(See the outside)

I'm locked away
And you could care less
[I'm not alive]
Shallow hearts
Sharper words
[It hurts]
(They hurt)

1 comment:

Maya said...

This is an interesting post. I like the idea. I like the tone. But I think it can be worked on.. it's not "taking me" anywhere..
As in, its good for a first draft, a beginning, but I felt that you could go beyond that.. elaborate, give me more situation, perhaps reasons, explain a little more- but not too much!! Be precise yet mysterious :)

Have a more concrete idea in your head. I know what I'm trying to say, but I dont know if I'm saying it very well lol! Get back to me if you're interested.. you asked for feedback so I gave :)

Key/Legend

word = speaking/singing
(word) = whispering/echo
[word] = stern voice/screaming